2020-12-31 - last updated 2021-01-11
Character ethic: there are principles of effective living that can be learned and integrated into your character.
P/PC Balance: production of results / production capability. Maintenance vs usage, principal now vs interest later, the goose vs the golden egg. Training vs providing. Needs to be kept in balance.
Maturity Continuum: Dependence -> Independence -> Interdependence
Emotional bank account: Ways to build up: understand the individual, attend to the little things, keep commitments, clarify expectations, show personal integrity, apologize sincerely.
Takes initiative to create P/PC balance.
Reactive Language: There’s nothing I can do. That’s just the way I am. He makes me so mad. They won’t allow that. I have to do that. I can’t. I must. If only. Becomes self fulfilling!
Proactive Language: Let’s look at our alternatives. I can choose a different approach. I control my own feelings. I can create an effective presentation. I will choose an appropriate response. choose. I prefer. I will.
Proactive language is different than positive thinking because face reality, choose positive response. Things that you can do vs things that you wish you had.
Circle of Concern vs Circle of Influence - put efforts in circle of influence (“Inside Out”).
The past is in the circle of concern not circle of influence, but we can and should learn from it.
Direct, indirect, or no control? What is first step you can take to move something to Circle of Influence.
At all levels have a clear understanding of the destination. Having the end in mind allows you to examine every action in that light.
All things are created twice - mental and physical. That mental creation, blueprints, if you consider all the elements, that is begin with the end in mind.
Habit 1 says “you are the creator”, habit 2 is the first creation, in the mind. Leadership is the first creation, doing the right things. Management is second creation, doing things right (habit 3).
To begin with the end in mind - focus on what you want to be (character) and do (contributions/achievements) and on values or principles upon which being and doing are based.
Start with your whole life - what would you want people to say at your funeral three years from today - family, friends, professional, and church/service organization.
Detect don’t invent. takes time and deep introspection. your constitution. “What’s really important? Why am I doing what I’m doing?” Visualize future events, wedding anniversaries, retirement. Break it into roles and goals.
Notes on mine:
Goals should focus on results not activity.
How to:
My friend, Rolfe Kerr, has expressed his personal creed in this way:
Succeed at home first.
Seek and merit divine help.
Never compromise with honesty.
Remember the people involved.
Hear both sides before judging.
Obtain counsel of others.
Defend those who are absent.
Be sincere yet decisive.
Develop one new proficiency a year.
Plan tomorrow’s work today.
Hustle while you wait.
Maintain a positive attitude.
Keep a sense of humor.
Be orderly in person and in work.
Do not fear mistakes – fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes.
Facilitate the success of subordinates.
Listen twice as much as you speak.
Concentrate all abilities and efforts on the task at hand, not worrying about the next job or promotion.
A woman seeking to balance family and work values has expressed her sense of personal mission differently:
I will seek to balance career and family as best I can since both are important to me.
My home will be a place where I and my family, friends, and guests find joy, comfort, peace, and happiness. Still I will seek to create a clean and orderly environment, yet livable and comfortable. I will exercise wisdom in what we choose to eat, read, see, and do at home. I especially want to teach my children to love, to learn, and to laugh – and to work and develop their unique talents.
I value the rights, freedoms, and responsibilities of our democratic society. I will be a concerned and informed citizen, involved in the political process to ensure my voice is heard and my vote is counted.
I will be a self-starting individual who exercises initiative in accomplishing my life’s goals. I will act on situations and opportunities, rather than to be acted upon.
I will always try to keep myself free from addictive and destructive habits. I will develop habits that free me from old labels and limits and expand my capabilities and choices.
My money will be my servant, not my master. I will seek financial independence over time. My wants will be subject to my needs and my means. Except for long-term home and car loans, I will seek to keep myself free from consumer debt. I will spend less than I earn and regularly save or invest part of my income.
Moreover, I will use what money and talents I have to make life more enjoyable for others through service and charitable giving.
One executive has used the idea of roles and goals to create the following mission statement:
My mission is to live with integrity and to make a difference in the lives of others.
To fulfill this mission:
I have charity: I seek out and love the one – each one – regardless of his situation.
I sacrifice: I devote my time, talents, and resources to my mission.
I inspire: I teach by example that we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father and that
every Goliath can be overcome.
I am impactful: What I do makes a difference in the lives of others.
These roles take priority in achieving my mission:
Husband – my partner is the most important person in my life. Together we contribute
the fruits of harmony, industry, charity, and thrift.
Father – I help my children experience progressively greater joy in their lives.
Son/Brother – I am frequently “there” for support and love.
Christian – God can count on me to keep my covenants and to serve his other children.
Neighbor – The love of Christ is visible through my actions toward others.
Change Agent – I am a catalyst for developing high performance in large organizations.
Scholar – I learn important new things every day.
The second creation, the physical creation. The actualization of the first two habits.
Managing time is not an end, but focus on P/PC balance, relationships, and results.
Quadrant II is the heart of effective personal management. It’s easy to get lost in Quadrant I putting out fires. Be opportunity-minded not problem-minded.
To get time for Quadrant II, need to say “No” to items in Q III and IV. Especially hard to say No to III. Must have your priorities figured out from the first two habits to be able to identify I vs III.
| Urgent | Not Urgent | |
| Important | Quadrant I urgent and important DO |
Quadrant II not urgent and important PLAN |
| Not Important | Quadrant III urgent but not important DELEGATE |
Quadrant IV not urgent and not important ELIMINATE |
Weekly, it’s the natural unit of time (not daily).
Write down your keys roles. Example:
Select two or three results-based goals for each that you can accomplish in that week, at least some based on Q II. Schedule time to achieve them.
Gofer delegation vs steward delegation - define the results, not methods, and identify parameters/guidelines. Identify failure paths, resources, performance standards/accountability, consequences.
Finding the solution best for everyone is better for you in the long run.
“Win-win or No Deal”: Better to agree to disagree if can’t reach win-win than go with lose-win, win-lose, or lose-lose
Separate the person from the problem, focus on interests and not on positions, invent options for mutual gain, insist on objective criteria that both parties can buy into.
Listen.
We have a tendency to rush in, applying our own autobiography without allowing the person to feel understood (or even if our autobiography is even relevant). Instead of listening with the intent to reply, listen with the intent to understand.
Empathetic listening - diagnose before you prescribe.
Four autobiographical (bad) responses - evaluate, probe, advise, interpret. None of these is about empathetically understanding.
Creative cooperation
Synergy = whole is greater than sum of parts.
Be open to new possibilities, alternatives, options.
Take the time to create a high emotional bank account before diving into the action.
Seek the third alternative
Value the differences.
Physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional dimensions