2022-06-27 06:45 PM:
Fix some typos and add the cheatsheet
@@ -2,6 +2,8 @@
% Brad Achorn
% **2022-06-20**
+***[Printable cheat sheet available here.](HowToTalkCheatSheat.pdf)***
+
## Helping Children Deal With Their Feelings
**Children need to have their feelings accepted and respected.**
@@ -8,7 +10,7 @@
### Listen quietly and attentively
-### Achknowledge their feelings with a word.
+### Acknowledge their feelings with a word.
"Oh... Mmmm... I see.
### Give the feeling a name.
@@ -15,7 +17,7 @@
"That sounds frustrating!"
### Give the child their wishes in fantasy.
-"I wish I could make the banan ripe for you right now!"
+"I wish I could make the banana ripe for you right now!"
### All feelings can be accepted. Certain *actions* must be limited.
"I can see how angry your are at your brother. Tell him what you want with words, not fists"
@@ -29,7 +31,7 @@
I expect my tools to be returned after they've been borrowed.
### Offer a choice.
-"You can borrow my tools and return them or you can give up the privilidge of using them. You decide."
+"You can borrow my tools and return them or you can give up the privilege of using them. You decide."
### Take action.
Child: "Why is the toolbox locked?" Father: "You tell me why"
@@ -40,10 +42,10 @@
## To Encourage Autonomy
### Let children make choices.
-"Are you in the mood for your gray panths, or your red pants?"
+"Are you in the mood for your gray pants, or your red pants?"
### Show respect for a child's struggle.
-"A jar can be hard to open. Sometimes it helps if you tao the lid with a spood."
+"A jar can be hard to open. Sometimes it helps if you tap the lid with a spoon."
### Don't ask too many questions.
"Glad to see you. Welcome home."
@@ -59,7 +61,7 @@
## Praise and Self-Esteem
-**Instead of evaluating**
+**Instead of evaluating:**
### Describe what you see.
"I see a clean floor, a smooth bed, and books neatly lined up on the shelf."
@@ -79,7 +81,7 @@
"Sara, would you take the screwdriver and tighten the pulls on these drawers?"
### Let the child overhear you say something positive about them.
-"He hild his arm steady even though the shot hurt."
+"He held his arm steady even though the shot hurt."
### Model the behavior you'd like to see.
"It's hard to lose, buy I'll try to be a sport about it. Congratulations!'
2022-06-26 10:27
PM: Fix typos and change from lists to headers
@@ -6,55 +6,55 @@
**Children need to have their feelings accepted and respected.**
-1. Listen quietly and attentively
+### Listen quietly and attentively
-1. Achknowledge their feelings with a word\
-"Oh... Mmmm... I
+### Achknowledge their feelings with a word.
+"Oh... Mmmm... I see.
-1. Give the feeling a name.\
+### Give the feeling a name.
"That sounds frustrating!"
-1. Give the child their wishes in fantasy\
+### Give the child their wishes in fantasy.
"I wish I could make the banan ripe for you right now!"
-1. All feelings can be accepted. Certain *actions* must be limited.\
+### All feelings can be accepted. Certain *actions* must be limited.
"I can see how angry your are at your brother. Tell him what you want with words, not fists"
## Instead Of Punishment
-1. Express your feelings strongly, without attacking character.\
+### Express your feelings strongly, without attacking character.
"I'm furious that my new saw was left outside to rust in the rain!"
-1. State your expectations.\
+### State your expectations.
I expect my tools to be returned after they've been borrowed.
-1. Offer a choice\
+### Offer a choice.
"You can borrow my tools and return them or you can give up the privilidge of using them. You decide."
-1. Take action\
+### Take action.
Child: "Why is the toolbox locked?" Father: "You tell me why"
-1. Problem-solve\
-"What cab we work out so that you can use my tools when you need them, and so that I'll be sure they're there when I need them?"
+### Problem-solve.
+"What can we work out so that you can use my tools when you need them, and so that I'll be sure they're there when I need them?"
## To Encourage Autonomy
-1. Let children make choices\
+### Let children make choices.
"Are you in the mood for your gray panths, or your red pants?"
-1. Show respoect for a child's struggle\
+### Show respect for a child's struggle.
"A jar can be hard to open. Sometimes it helps if you tao the lid with a spood."
-1. Don't ask too many questions.\
+### Don't ask too many questions.
"Glad to see you. Welcome home."
-1. Don't rush to answer questions.\
+### Don't rush to answer questions.
"That's an interesting question, what do you think?"
-1. Encourage children to use sources outside the home.\
+### Encourage children to use sources outside the home.
"Maybe the pet shop owner would have a suggestion."
-1. Don't take away hope.\
+### Don't take away hope.
"So you're thinking of trying out for the play! That should be an experience"
## Praise and Self-Esteem
@@ -61,32 +61,31 @@
**Instead of evaluating**
-1. Describe what you see\
+### Describe what you see.
"I see a clean floor, a smooth bed, and books neatly lined up on the shelf."
-1. Describe what you feel.\
+### Describe what you feel.
"It's a pleasure to walk into this room!"
-1. Sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word.\
+### Sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word.
You sorted out your Legos, cars, and farm animals, and put them in separate boxes. That's what I call *organization*!"
-## To Children From Playing Roles
+## Free Children From Playing Roles
-1. Look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of themselves\
+### Look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of themselves.
"You've had that toy since you were three and it almost looks like new!"
-1. Put children in situations where they can see themselves differently.\
+### Put children in situations where they can see themselves differently.
"Sara, would you take the screwdriver and tighten the pulls on these drawers?"
-1. Let the child overhear you say something positive about them\
+### Let the child overhear you say something positive about them.
"He hild his arm steady even though the shot hurt."
-1. Model the behavior you'd like to see
+### Model the behavior you'd like to see.
+"It's hard to lose, buy I'll try to be a sport about it. Congratulations!'
-1. "It's hard to lose, buy I'll try to be a sport about it. Congratulations!'
-
-1. Be a storehouse for your child's special moments.\
+### Be a storehouse for your child's special moments.
"I remember the time you..."
-1. When your child acts according to the old label, state your feelings and/or expectations.\
+### When your child acts according to the old label, state your feelings and/or expectations.
"I don't like that. Despite your strong feelings, I expect sportsmanship from you."
@@ -4,68 +4,89 @@
## Helping Children Deal With Their Feelings
+**Children need to have their feelings accepted and respected.**
+
1. Listen quietly and attentively
-1. Achknowledge their feelings with a word
-1. * "Oh... Mmmm... I
-1. Give the feeling a name.
-1. * "That sounds frustrating!"
-1. Give the child their wishes in fantasy
-1. * "I wish I could make the banan ripe for you right now!"
-* All feelings can be accepted.
-* * Certain *actions* must be limited.
-* * "I can see how angry your are at your brother. Tell him what you want with words, not fists"
+1. Achknowledge their feelings with a word\
+"Oh... Mmmm... I
+1. Give the feeling a name.\
+"That sounds frustrating!"
+
+1. Give the child their wishes in fantasy\
+"I wish I could make the banan ripe for you right now!"
+
+1. All feelings can be accepted. Certain *actions* must be limited.\
+"I can see how angry your are at your brother. Tell him what you want with words, not fists"
+
## Instead Of Punishment
-1. Express your feelings strongly, without attacking character.
-1. * "I'm furious that my new saw was left outside to rust in the rain!"
-1. State your expectations.
-1. * I expect my tools to be returned after they've been borrowed.
-1. Offer a choice
-1. * "You can borrow my tools and return them or you can give up the privilidge of using them. You decide."
-1. Take action
-1. * Child: "Why is the toolbox locked?" Father: "You tell me why"
-1. Problem-solve
-1. * "What cab we work out so that you can use my tools when you need them, and so that I'll be sure they're there when I need them?"
+1. Express your feelings strongly, without attacking character.\
+"I'm furious that my new saw was left outside to rust in the rain!"
+1. State your expectations.\
+I expect my tools to be returned after they've been borrowed.
+
+1. Offer a choice\
+"You can borrow my tools and return them or you can give up the privilidge of using them. You decide."
+
+1. Take action\
+Child: "Why is the toolbox locked?" Father: "You tell me why"
+
+1. Problem-solve\
+"What cab we work out so that you can use my tools when you need them, and so that I'll be sure they're there when I need them?"
+
## To Encourage Autonomy
-1. Let children make choices
-1. * "Are you in the mood for your gray panths, or your red pants?"
-1. Show respoect for a child's struggle
-1. * "A jar can be hard to open. Sometimes it helps if you tao the lid with a spood."
-1. Don't ask too many questions.
-1. * "Glad to see you. Welcome home."
-1. Don't rush to answer questions.
-1. * "That's an interesting question, what do you think?"
-1. Encourage children to use sources outside the home.
-1. * "Maybe the pet shop owner would have a suggestion."
-1. Don't take away hope.
-1. * "So you're thinking of trying out for the play! That should be an experience"
+1. Let children make choices\
+"Are you in the mood for your gray panths, or your red pants?"
+1. Show respoect for a child's struggle\
+"A jar can be hard to open. Sometimes it helps if you tao the lid with a spood."
+
+1. Don't ask too many questions.\
+"Glad to see you. Welcome home."
+
+1. Don't rush to answer questions.\
+"That's an interesting question, what do you think?"
+
+1. Encourage children to use sources outside the home.\
+"Maybe the pet shop owner would have a suggestion."
+
+1. Don't take away hope.\
+"So you're thinking of trying out for the play! That should be an experience"
+
## Praise and Self-Esteem
**Instead of evaluating**
-1. Describe what you see
-1. * "I see a clean floor, a smooth bed, and books neatly lined up on the shelf."
-1. Describe what you feel.
-1. * "It's a pleasure to walk into this room!"
-1. Sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word.
-1. * You sorted out your Legos, cars, and farm animals, and put them in separate boxes. That's what I call *organization*!"
+1. Describe what you see\
+"I see a clean floor, a smooth bed, and books neatly lined up on the shelf."
+1. Describe what you feel.\
+"It's a pleasure to walk into this room!"
+
+1. Sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word.\
+You sorted out your Legos, cars, and farm animals, and put them in separate boxes. That's what I call *organization*!"
+
## To Children From Playing Roles
-1. Look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of themselves
-1. * "You've had that toy since you were three and it almost looks like new!"
-1. Put children in situations where they can see themselves differently.
-1. * "Sara, would you take the screwdriver and tighten the pulls on these drawers?"
-1. Let the child overhear you say something positive about them
-1. * "He hild his arm steady even though the shot hurt."
+1. Look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of themselves\
+"You've had that toy since you were three and it almost looks like new!"
+
+1. Put children in situations where they can see themselves differently.\
+"Sara, would you take the screwdriver and tighten the pulls on these drawers?"
+
+1. Let the child overhear you say something positive about them\
+"He hild his arm steady even though the shot hurt."
+
1. Model the behavior you'd like to see
-1. # "It's hard to lose, buy I'll try to be a sport about it. Congratulations!'
-1. Be a storehouse for your child's special moments.
-1. * "I remember the time you..."
-1. When your child acts according to the old label, state your feelings and/or expectations.
-1. * "I don't like that. Despite your strong feelings, I expect sportsmanship from you."
+
+1. "It's hard to lose, buy I'll try to be a sport about it. Congratulations!'
+
+1. Be a storehouse for your child's special moments.\
+"I remember the time you..."
+
+1. When your child acts according to the old label, state your feelings and/or expectations.\
+"I don't like that. Despite your strong feelings, I expect sportsmanship from you."